Therapy
by TWILIFE2011
Summary: Bella is a little crazy and out there. What happens when she walks out of a therapy session and a silver volvo smashes into her car at a red light and changes her life for good? OOC, AH, Bad language, u may get a few giggles at Bella's craziness rated M
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and I mean nothing Twilight related, we all know which lucky lady made that fuckawesomeness up!**

**Yes, I'm back again. Yes, it's something new. Yes, I have lots of unfinished projects. Yes, I cannot help it. My brain just works over time and my fingers just like to type...sometimes!**

**So this one is different again, Bella is a little ****psycho! She has a very foul mouth always effin it 'n' jeffin it, so sorry if that offends anyone but that's just the way she rolls. This story is also set where I live here in the United Kingdom, it is nothing fancy but I was sick to death of damn Forks LOL.**

**Chapters are not going to be long and I don't know how many chapters there will be but I'll let you know when I know...you can catch me on twitter LadyTwilight86, please feel free to share your secret porn stash with me *waggles eyebrows***

**Bella:**

"Sometimes in life, things are not always as they first appear to be are they? I thought Jacob and I would last the distance, get married, have two-point-four children and live the dream. I was wrong on so many levels it's unreal. Everything we had was based on a lie... nothing was as it seemed. Not only was our relationship based on lies but Jacob was not the man I thought he was. Instead of being the loving, caring, selfless most beautiful guy I had ever met, he was a vindictive liar, a spiteful monster... and worst of all... he was a murderer... a fucking assassin!" I explained to my therapist.

My mum suggested I talk to a 'professional' and it was my first session since Jake had been arrested and locked up. He got fifteen years, which I thought was absurd, he had killed a fuck-ton of people and got paid for it... he _should_ have gotten longer. He should have been told he would have to rot in that place.

Angela Webber... said therapist was jotting away on her little note pad for a few minutes. She looked up to me. "Isabella, what kind of impact do you think this has made on your life?"

I stared at her like she was fucking dumb. "We live in Pudsey, on the outskirts of Leeds for Christ sake. It's a cute little market town as you know and I love living here but shit like that doesn't happen, that stuff just happens in movies right?" She nodded. "Wrong Angela my dear, that shit happens in real life. I have the proof." I ran my fingers through my hair. "I have lived here with my parents, Charlie, my dad and my mother Renee all my life and I met Jake when he moved here and attended the same school as me. I was popular back in high school and Jake and I hit it off almost straight away, his bold, dark, intense brown eyes were the first thing to draw me towards him. They were beautiful and I could just get lost within them for hours, days, weeks, it didn't matter... he was mine. His large, toned, buff body also helped, I was a sucker for the muscles back in the day, but I see now they're over rated." I reeled off, Jesus... it was like I had word vomit... they just kept on coming and all the while I'm secretly wondering why on earth I was talking about that bastards eyes.

Webber nodded her head. "This is good... please carry on." She offered with a sparkle in her eye.

_She was fucking loving this! Only a therapist could love sick shit like this, she'll have a fucking field day reciting my horrendous life to her husband!_

"I fell hard for him and then I find out that he's not really a marketing executive but a fucking assassin, a hit man... goes around blowing peoples fucking heads clean off... I mean seriously Angela do I really have to answer how it has impacted on my life? Is it not blatantly fucking obvious?" I was getting mad to say the least, I mean was this chick for real? She only looked the same age as me if not younger, thinking she knows every-fucking-thing but yet knows sweet FA.

She side-eyed me. "I think it is important that you get everything off your chest. Once it is all out in the open, we can start to fix the part of you that is broken."

_Fix?_

I sat tapping my foot on the floor, trying to keep my cool but to no avail... I have a hot head, I get it from my father. "You know what Webber? I'm sorry to have wasted your time but I've had it with this bullshit... I am not something that you can _fix_... I am not broken. I'm just a little fucked in the head... I'll see myself out." I got up and stormed out of her office, leaving her rendered speechless but still writing on that damn note pad.

I ran down the three flights of stairs and pushed my way through the double doors and on to the street, I was so glad of the fresh air. I fumbled around in my bag for my cigarettes and lit one up, taking a big mother fucking drag. That bitch therapist had royally pissed me off. I lent up against the wall, watching all of the shoppers go about their business. I was in Bradford, I mean I had to drive twelve miles for this bullshit session, it was a waste of my time _and _my diesel. I threw my fag butt on the ground and stumped it out with my foot before setting off to get my car and get out of this shitty town.

I was just sat at a red light minding my own business, Coldplay blasting through the sound system of my Volkswagen Golf attempting to calm my mood when I was jerked forward... hard.

Some cunt had rammed into the back of me.

"You have got to be FUCKING KIDDING ME!" I screamed at the top of my voice, like the psycho bitch I am, causing the soothing sound of Chris Martin's voice to disappear.

I smacked my steering wheel with both hands while looking through my rear view mirror. A silver Volvo was right up my ass... a fucking Volvo. Whoever was driving that piece of shit had better pray to the lord above because today was not a good day to pummel into the back of me.

**I told you she was psycho :). Jake will not be in this story, there will however be references to him throughout, as you can probably tell by the title, this will not be Bella's one and only therapy session with freaky little Angela. Bella has more problems than just Jacob and believe me, Edward is not going to know what has just hit him... unlike Bella who just got a Volvo up her ass ;)**

**P.S. You can leave me a review if you wish... I personally think that you should! ****Or Bella might come after you****. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing and I do mean nothing Twilight related...just regret not coming up with the whole concept myself seen as it is the best thing I've ever read or seen in my entire life.**

**Thanks to all who have read and reviewed, I think this story will all be in Bella's pov but we will see...I may write some Edward out takes maybe. **

**As you can see from the last chapter, Bella has some anger issues but she is good fun and is based on me lmao. This is all set where I grew up and places I know, it is also all English sayings so if you don't know what anything means feel free to ask in a PM****.**

**Find me on Twitter LadyTwilight86, don't come empty handed... show me the peen!**

**Anyway... enjoy!**

**Bella:**

"Are you stupid? Dumb? Mentally fucking retarded? Or just don't have the first clue about driving? You see these?" I gesture dramatically towards the traffic lights. "Green is for go and red is stop... meaning stop the bastard car, it is not that fucking difficult." I shouted at the Volvo, the driver was yet to emerge. I had given the Golf the once over and luckily there was minimal damage to my Betsy.

The shed on wheels had tints on the windows so I couldn't see the imbecile, but slowly the driver door started to open. I stood there, hand on hips, face like thunder ready to unleash the beast within... this unnecessary event had gathered quite the crowd on Sunbridge road, outside the chip shop and I was ready for anything, audience or not.

The first thing I saw was a big ass foot, then a big ass leg. The rest of the body exited the car and I saw that this man was at least six foot five... that's borderline fucking giant in my book, me only being five foot five, that fact however was not going to deter me. My eyes raked up and over his slender but toned body to his head, I saw jaw... jaw porn to be exact. Then I saw full, pink, pouty lips, then came the thick rimmed glasses and the eyes that pierced through to my soul. The most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen, they had little gold flecks that reflected from the sun... I all of a sudden wanted to take those glasses off and lick his irises.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know what happened. Is there any damage? I will pay of course." The man panicked slightly.

"Damage, yeah damage to my mood and my sanity. I thought this day could get no worse, I was going to go home and drink wine until I was comatose but you had to come along with your big hair, big glasses and your big ole' feet, I mean Christ the size of those feet and you couldn't hit the fucking brake? Are you a complete moron?" I was at the edge of my sanity now. Not only was I mad at this guy for hitting the back of me, but he was severely turning me on just by looking at me.

He scraped his fingers through his hair. "Jesus woman, do you want to calm down. Here I will give you my details so that you can claim for any damage off of my insurance." He leaned into his car and got a pen and paper, writing something on it. When he had finished he hands it to me.

I take it and look at it. "Well, Edward Cullen I will be sure to claim from your insurance actually I'm surprised you even fucking have any. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to attempt to get home safe and then possibly attempt to drown myself in the bath! Thanks for nothing asshole." I storm off, get in my car and speed away.

Edward Cullen... I hate Edward Cullen... I despise Edward Cullen... I fancy the pert little ass off of Edward Cullen. What kind of fucking name is Edward Cullen anyway? It's like some fucked up twenties name and what was the uber geeky, super hottie Edward Cullen driving a clapped out Volvo for? I don't even think they sell parts for those anymore, so if anything brakes he's fucked basically... with that in mind you would think he would drive with more care.

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><p>The rest of my commute went without incident, apart from the heaving traffic and my road rage rearing its ugly head... it was a pretty smooth ride.<p>

I sipped the chilled wine out of my large wine glass while flicking aimlessly through the TV channels, nothing was on as usual so I fired up my laptop. I was playing farmville like the loser I was when Edward Cullen's name flashed through my brain. I clicked in the search bar and typed in Edward Cullen and of course there was only one of _those_ around, you know the sexual asshole that smashed the ass of my Betsy.

Unfortunately I couldn't see any of his information, just his profile picture. I opened it full screen and took in the sight before me. He was stood in what looked to be a doctors uniform with one of those face mask thingies around his neck. His glasses were on and his hair was all freshly fucked looking, sticking out all over the shop. He had his arm draped over a slender blonde, she was gorgeous and I now hated her... whoever the fuck she was.

I closed facebook down in a mood. I felt jealous of the bimbo on Edward's profile picture and all thoughts of farmville were gone and I take farmville very seriously. I chugged down some more wine and checked my twitter page, nothing much going on on there, I saw a couple of cock pictures that someone had tweeted... I drooled because it was the only cock I'd seen in weeks. The last one I had was Jake's and now that thought repulsed me.

I pulled out my mobile and phoned my bestie Alice, I knew she would be down for a wine binge if she wasn't slobbering all over my brother Jasper. Luck was on my side as Jasper was doing overtime so she was on her way here. Finally I would be able to chill out with Alice and get drunk, it's what I do best.

**So then... how you like the crazy bitch that is Bella. what did you think of geeky Edward and where do you think this is going? This story is borderline crackfic but please let me know your thoughts in the form of a review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight... I wish I had been in it though, I'd make a badass vamp _JS!_**

**Huge thanks to my Karen and Kierra for reading this, picking up on my mistakes and leaving me their comments. These ladies rock!**

**Also thanks to all who have read and reviewed, it seems you lot like Bella with some attitude, I sure as hell do! She is so much fun to write.**

**I know I only updated last night but I'm treating you with this chapter because I'm not going to be around all weekend. So I hope y'all enjoy, things are about to get a little more crazy *evil laughs***

**Bella:**

"I'm telling you Alice, my life can get no worse." I complained, feeling sorry for myself as per fucking usual.

She rolled her eyes epically at me. "Bella, stop being so fucking dramatic. Yeah, Jake wasn't the guy you thought he was and yeah he did some pretty bad shit but none of it is your fault. That chapter of your life has to close now, you need to open up a new chapter and look forward to the future." She slugged down her wine.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Alice, I love you but you need to stop with all this life philosophy shit. I know you're only trying to help me... Jesus what is with people trying to help me today? You know that therapist was loving hearing about my fucked up life, I swear she jizzed in her pants at one point. That my friend is why I walked out, she was getting enjoyment out of my situation and there really isn't anything joyous about it. Oh... Oh I haven't told you what happened after the session have I?" I filled my glass up again, ready to tell my future sister in law-maybe- the gossip.

"Nope... no you didn't but I'm guessing it is going to be a barrel of laughs." She scoffed.

I ignored her snide comment, she can be a sarcastic cunt sometimes but I like that and so does my brother, he however is a weirdo.

"Edward mother fucking Cullen happened."

She raised one of her HD eyebrows at me and I shit you not, she had a treatment done on her brows to make them '_high definition_'. "Who?" She asked.

Oh now she's fucking interested.

"Edward Cullen pummeled my back end." I said nonchalantly.

She spat her wine out. "Pummeled your back end? I didn't know you got down like that." She grinned and shot me a wink.

_Bitch!_

I sucked my teeth. "Only you Alice Brandon could take that comment out of context. No Edward Cullen did not fuck my ass and nor will he ever do that. My ass is a one way system thank you. I was stopped at a red light and he crashed into the back of my Betsy." I said a little louder than I should. Just the thought of it was still making my blood boil.

"Christ... is he still alive?" She chuckled.

"Unfortunately! But now I can't get his name out of my head, Edward Cullen, Edward Cullen, EDWARD FUCKING CULLEN!" I'd lost my sanity for the thousandth time today.

"Wow this guy has really gotten under your skin hasn't he?"

"No, no! Why would the sexual God like giant creature have gotten under my skin? He hardly spoke to me, just gave me his details to claim on his insurance. There is nothing to fucking claim for though, no damage really..." I stopped speaking as an idea came rushing through my complex brain.

"Oh, no. What are you plotting." Alice asked as a devilish grin started to appear on my chops.

I stood up and drank my full glass of wine down. "I will make that bastard pay."

I started to search frantically through my house, I was a little crazed. All I could hear was Alice asking what I'm doing and telling me I should calm down, she was worried about me. I ignored her.

"AA-HAH!" I cheered when I found what I was looking for. I waved the baseball bat at Alice.

Her eyes went wide. "What are you going to do with that?"

"You'll see." I said running outside.

I heard Alice following me, she was on the phone to my brother, informing him that I had well and truly lost my mind. But I didn't care, I was going to make Edward Cullen pay for ruining my day, my mood _and_ for being so fucking hot and making me ruin a perfectly good pair of panties.

_Fuck you Edward Cullen!_

I swung the bat at my poor Betsy's back end until there was a nice dent and a smashed tail light and then I sauntered past a stunned Alice into the house and resumed my wine binge, feeling so much better than I felt five minutes prior.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Alice screamed as she walked back into the room. "You are psychotic... what is your fucking deal Bella? You cannot do things like that!" She threw her phone at me and it hit me right in the mouth.

I yelped and held my mouth, then I saw the blood. I got up and looked at my reflection in the mirror that hung over my fireplace. Slowly taking my hands away from my mouth, my lip was busted and I started to laugh hysterically but then stopped when I saw that she had chipped my front tooth, half of it was missing.

"My tooth, it's gone... you knocked my fucking tooth out. Well half of it... now who's out of their fucking mind huh?" I yelled and launched myself at her, knocking her tiny frame to the floor.

We were in fits of laughter as we wrestled on the floor for a while. "I'm sorry Bells, I never meant for it to hit you." She giggle-snorted.

I laid flat on my back at the side of her, I was out of breath and my head was spinning from the amount of wine I'd put away. "Don't worry about it, I guess I deserved it, I went pretty crazy back there." I laughed. "It's nothing a trip to the dentist won't sort out."

**Well... tell me what you think. Do you think she has lost it, did you think that was going to happen and who just _who_ do you think the dentist is going to be? Leave me a review and let me know guys. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Twilight... but you guys already know that.**

**Huge thanks to Karen as always, She is amazing and very inspirational.**

**Just to clear some things up. People have said that Bella is too much of a bitch and Edward shouldn't pay for what she did to the car... I told you from chapter 1 that she is crazy, she's a bitch and basically doesn't give a shit about anything and she can so whatever she pleases. If you don't like it then don't read it.**

**Rant over... now to all of you that love you some crazy Bella, it's time for her dentist appointment. *Grins*... I love you guys!**

**Bella:**

My week had been uneventful, seen as I was now jobless. I did work in a jewellery shop up until a week ago when my problems got the best of me _again _and a teenage girl came in with a major attitude problem. Lets just say calling a customer a cunt was not acceptable, especially a fifteen year old minor. I did however manage to get the insurance claim rolling with my solicitor for the damage to my car and myself a dentist appointment which is where I was now.

The reception area was spacious, the walls painted in a calming light blue colour giving people false hope, making them believe that everything was going to be fine when they get in the _chair._ I'd hated going to the dentist as a kid, and thankfully I hadn't been in a position where I needed one, God blessed Isabella Swan with good teeth. I hadn't seen a dentist since I was about ten, I'm now twenty-five so I guess I should really have a check up.

"Isabella Swan?" A tall, leggy blonde asked as she moseyed into the reception area.

I stood up and walked towards her, she looked extremely familiar but I couldn't place her. I shrugged and followed her as she asked. I walked into the room furiously rubbing my teeth with my finger just to be sure I didn't have half of the Nando's chicken I just ravished stuck between my teeth.

"Hello, Miss Swan. I'm Edward Cullen the new dental practitioner here." The smooth, silky voice said.

As the words came from him, I felt my heart literally fall out of my ass. I kept my head down to floor, as I couldn't face those green eyes just yet, not after what I had done in a rage, I had to regain composure. The blonde and the outfit from his facebook picture all came into my head and it all slotted into place.

I sucked in a shaky breath and raised my head slowly. "Hello again Edward Cullen." I said smirking.

His jaw almost hit the floor. "You!" He seethed.

"You seem upset, Edward." I chuckled.

He glared at me for a moment before shifting his eyes to the blonde who was stood there, mouth slack, looking dumb as fuck. "Rosalie, could you please go and get me some Prozac, Valium or even some crack because I am going to need some after this appointment." He was trying to be clever.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You'll need a lot more than that, I was thinking more like the emergency services if you ain't careful." I laughed at myself because I find myself funny... simple as that.

The blonde who was deemed to be Rosalie looked between the two of us and then swiftly exited the room.

"That's quite the chip you have there." He said smirking.

_Damn you and that smirk, you mother fucking sexy Edward Cullen fucker._

"You're right it is. My best friend through a phone at my mouth right after I took a baseball bat to do a number on my poor poor Betsy so I could claim from your insurance." I smiled proudly.

He guffawed. "I was talking about the chip on your shoulder."

This pissed me off... this royally pissed me off.

"You know what... screw you! It was your big fucking foot that failed to hit the brake causing you to smash into the back of me. Why shouldn't you pay? You could have killed me." Okay, so that was a little over the top but what the hell.

He shook his head. "You're right Miss Swan. It was my fault, I take full responsibility for the minor accident that occurred. Please take a seat and we will start your treatment."

I eyed him suspiciously but sat down anyway, what is the worst that could happen?

Edwardo had been faffing about in my mouth with his long, lean, talented fingers for about twenty minutes when he felt the need to speak again. "So Isabella, how is Betsy? All fixed now I hope." His voice was a little muffled from his face mask.

I opened one eye and looked at his heart stopping face through the perspex glasses I had on. "Yes, she is back to her beautiful self. Why the concern?"

"Well I caused you to flip out and attack the poor machine, I know what it's like. There was a time when I didn't think my Bob was going to make it through a collision."

"Bob?" I quizzed.

"My Volvo... he is my pride and joy." I saw a sparkle in his eye as he said the words.

I let out the loudest cackle. "Bob? Fucking Bob? What kind of name is that? That is almost as bad as Edward!" I was laughing hard now.

He pushed away from me on his little stool with wheels on. "You are impossible Miss Isabella, not only do you have raging anger issues but you also have nasty streak and it is not attractive at all." He turned his back on me and started scribbling on a piece of paper.

I got out of the chair and checked my new half a tooth in the mirror... it looked fucking amazing. He did a good job, but I'll never tell him that.

"Anywhoooooo Edward Cullen, thanks for the half tooth. Guess I'll be seeing you." I stuck my middle finger up at him, smiling.

He stood off of his chair abruptly and stalked towards me. "You are rude, insufferable and..." He leaned in close. His perfect lips nearly touching my ear... my body had now come alive and I was about to gush all over his surgery floor. "...So God damn sexy." He whispered and I had to clutch at his biceps to hold me upright.

He must have known my knees were about to give way because I felt his arm snake around my waist to steady me. I blushed profusely and I haven't done that since middle school, I felt uncomfortable so I scurried out of the office as fast as I could and went straight to my car. Once inside I reached into my pockets for my cigarettes but was confused when they weren't there but in their place was a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it... it read.

_Smoking is very bad for your health and your teeth miss Isabella!_

_Give Betsy a kiss and a little rub from me and tell her I'm extremely sorry._

_I hope you know that too._

_Edward Cullen._

_P.S. I think you would really like my Bob, he's a catch and very ride-able!_

I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my mouth as I pulled out of the car park.

Edward Cullen... Epic asshole!

**So how did you like it? Leave me a review and tell me.**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Twilight... I just have NC-17 rated dreams of Edward.**

**Huge thanks to Karen for pre-reading and being supportive.**

**So the dentist went well and what about Edward's little note? It's all good fun right?**

**Enjoy Bella... I do!**

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><p><strong>Bella:<strong>

Edward Cullen was going to be the death of me... no doubt about it.

I couldn't get him or his little note out of my mind. He was such an asshole but there was something about him that made me want to know him more. Once I got over the fact that he was ridiculously good looking, I realised that he had a smart mouth just like me and seemed to cope with my attitude which is a big achievement, most men can't stand me.

How could he say I was sexy? He obviously needed thicker, stronger fucking glasses because I wouldn't class myself as being sexy. I would class myself as not bad looking with a quirky dress sense. I also have tattoos, which make a girl look badass and I think I pull off that look. I am a bitch most of the time and I know that but I can be nice on occasion, if a person truly deserves it.

Edward the fuck-hot dentist was definitely on the right track for some Isabella Swan non-bitch time but I was at a loss of how to see him again. I would however bust his balls some more when I did because it was fun and I think he secretly liked it.

I was bored shitless and supposed to be job hunting but getting a job in this fucking recession was trying to find a needle in a haystack. I decided to go for a drive to clear my head of Edward when I found myself driving past the dentist surgery where he works. I parked down the street, got out of the car and put my hood up so that no one could notice it was me. I crept round the back of the surgery and tried to peep through some windows just to get a glimpse of Edward but all of the blinds were shut. I noticed a window with no blinds a bit further up so I moved the industrial bin up to the wall and climbed on top of it, looking through the window.

"Well what do we have here." A voice startled me and I fell off of the fucking bin.

I was a crumpled mess on the floor when I saw a hand reaching out to me. I let my eyes travel from the hand, up the inked arm to the face of Edward staring down at me. He looked highly amused and was sporting that pantie soaking smirk of his.

"Fucking great!" I complained and took his hand.

He pulled me back up to my feet. "Any particular reason you were up on a bin, looking through my windows?"

"Um... ermmm... no I guess not." I didn't have an answer for him. I wasn't going to tell him I just wanted to see him again.

"Hm. Miss Isabella you are a strange woman." He informs me. "But very intriguing to say the least."

"Well it was nice seeing you Edward but I gotta go, things to do, people to see and all that." I lit up a smoke.

He stalked towards me. "What did I tell you about smoking?" He backs me up against the wall and is in extremely close proximity to me. "It's bad for your health." He took it out of my hand, threw it on the floor and stood on it.

"And my teeth apparently." I quip.

His eyes scan my face. "So you do pay attention." His mouth is near my ear again. "Well done miss Isabella." He whispers and my delicate area starts to pool with wetness.

"I... um... um... I have to go." I announced and manoeuvred around him, walking away as fast as I could.

"So soon? You're no fun Isabella." he shouted after me but I ignored him, jumped in my car and sped off.

I managed to get home in one piece which is a miracle in itself as all I was thinking about was Edward, no concentration on the road at all. I went to pull my cigarettes out of my pocket and again they were not where I had left them. There was another piece of paper... it read.

_If you wanted to see me again, all you had to do was ask._

_There is no need for you to stalk me out._

_I'm here, ready and willing._

_Give me a call, if you're brave enough!_

_Edward._

His number was scribbled at the bottom. How the fuck did he know I was there and have time to write me a note?

_And he called me strange?_

That son of a bitch played me again.

As much as I wanted to get back in my car, drive back to that surgery and kick ten balls of shit out him I couldn't. His little note made me smile just like his other one did and Mr Edward Cullen was making my days much more interesting.

Although his little note was suggesting that I wasn't brave enough or even had the balls to call him. I would prove to Edwardo that I have bigger balls and more cheek than he has ever seen and he will be wishing that he never wrote that little love note.

Enter operation **Swan vs Cullen**!

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><p><strong>Well what do you think of that then, she is a bit of a loon ain't she? Please leave me a review... I like them :)<strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Twilight but you guys already know that! I did watch breaking dawn last night after my date stood me up...MEN pfftttttt who needs em?**

**Okay, so I know I have been out of the loop but I have just been so busy with, kids, work and school that I haven't had time to wipe my ass let alone sit at my laptop and write. So I will not promise regular updates but I will update when I can.**

**So now we have an Epov, I think the story was calling for one personally. ENJOY!**

**Edward:**

It had become obvious to me that I couldn't get that woman out of my head.

_Isabella Swan._

Isabella Swan was the most beautifullest creature ever made. Her long chestnut coloured hair looked so smooth, her milky white translucent skin made her look radiant, her dazzling brown eyes were gorgeous and had a twinkle in them, her hot tattoos fitted her perfectly and that attitude... fuck, that attitude of hers gave me a serious hard on. When she flipped me off and walked out of my surgery, my cock got so hard. It was straining against pants to the point where it was painful.

With all that being said there was no doubt in my mind, that bitch was nuts. She was hot headed, smart mouthed and not afraid to use a baseball bat. She scared me shitless but I wasn't going to let her know that. I got up in her personal space, I could feel this strange tension around us... like the room was buzzing with electricity but the closer I got to her could see that she changed, instead of being this strong crazy ass woman, I knew she felt vulnerable. I worked that to my advantage of course and whispered in her ear, she went weak, literally had to hold on to me to keep herself upright.

That's when I slipped her the note and stole her cigarettes, the girl had great teeth I wanted her to keep it that way plus I thought it would be fun to play with her a little and I could be a sneaky little fucker when I wanted to be.

Something about Miss Isabella brought me out of my shell. All my life I had been the geek that nobody wanted to be seen with, I was the target for bullies. They didn't bother me, I ignored them, concentrated on my schooling and became a dentist. I achieved my goal, while said bullies are probably jobless and living off of the government.

_Assholes!_

I'd never been a ladies man, I couldn't pick a woman up to save my life. I was too awkward around them, I'd never say or do the right thing. Emmett, my sister Rosalie's husband drags me out all the time. We hit bars and clubs but the night usually ended up, us both drunk busting some cheesy moves in flares... the 80's club in town. We were an embarrassment, Rose wouldn't come out with us anymore but she was never any fun anyway. All she did was sit there and pout and then she strikes if a woman so near as breaths in Emmett's personal space.

Rosalie is a lot like Miss Isabella with her attitude and her foul mouth. I don't think my sister is as crazy as the Swan, but then again I don't believe that anyone is. When I saw her trying to look through the building windows I took that as an opportunity to mess with her a little more. I knew that when I got close to her, her guard came down whether she let it down or not she was like putty in my hands and cute... she was very cute when she was susceptible.

Every waking minute was spent with her in my mind, I just couldn't shake her but I didn't want to.

My phone beeped on the coffee table in front of where I was sat on the couch, deep in thought about you know who. I picked it up, it was a text from a number I didn't know.

_**R u a profesional fucking pickpocket or do u just steal things frm me?**_

I grinned like a schoolboy, I knew she wouldn't be able to resist. She would do anything to prove that she had balls.

_**Just you! **_I typed back, keeping it short and sweet just like her... well maybe not sweet.

Two minutes later.

_**Well F.Y.I Cullen, I dnt take kindly to thieves! I'd hate 4 u 2 lose 1 of those talented digits of urs!**_

I smirked as I read it. She didn't even have to be in my view, and my cock was stirring.

_**I dnt think ud be saying tht if u knew just how talented my fingers cud be!**_

I slumped back against the sofa, impressed with my flirting technique. I didn't know I could be so forward without feeling awkward. It was kind of fun.

_**Edwardo, u may b an expert at fixing teeth but I highly doubt those fingers r much use at anything else.**_

I laughed out loud, I may not have been good in the women's department but I wasn't a virgin and I'd had sex plenty of times. My fingers were very useful, I'd never had one complaint, I could finger a lady to within an inch of her life.

_**I cant tell u how wrong u r miss Isabella and I'm more than happy to prove u wrong!**_

Lets see how she likes that!

_**Oh I can assure u Cullen tht ur fingers will get nowhere near anything other than my teeth.**_

She was in denial. She wanted me. She stalked me out at work for Christ sake. Yeah... she wanted me.

_**I wouldn't b so sure bout tht!**_

Oh how I loved pushing her buttons.

_**U r an asshole and I fucking hate u! **_A smirk appeared on my lips just as another text came through. "_**And don't fucking smirk at me, u smug bastard.**_

I didn't text her back, I called her instead.

Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring-I was getting frustrated-ring, ring, ring. _"What the fuck do you want?" _ That little bitch answered.

"Hello to you too. Do you always answer your phone in such a polite manner or is that just for my benefit?" I asked as politely as I could.

"_I answer like that to everyone, you're nothing special."_

My dick is now solid, thanks to her smart mouth.

"Oh... now I see! You're just rude to everyone who dares to call you."

"_Yes! Now is there something I can help you with or are you just ruining my day again?" _She asked semi-polite, there was still a hint of attitude in her voice.

"I do have something you could help me with or that you could attend too. It is your fault why I'm in need of attending too." Where was I growing balls from?

"_As__ much as I'd love to jump on your Bob and fuck the smugness right out of you, Betsy is out of service at the moment. Goodbye Edward!" _She hung up and I groaned.

My mouth was hung open like I was catching flies. That woman never ceased to amaze me, she had no shame, no filter and no fucking idea how much I wanted... no, needed her. She was driving me insane.

One thing was for sure, I was hooked and I was not letting her go.

Oh and my Bob was definitely going to be meeting her Betsy on a more intimate level.

If she didn't kill me first.

**Thanks for reading, please review it would heal my heart after I got stood up last night...(yeah I'm laying it on thick) haha. Till the next time...**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Twilight, but wish I did!**

**Okay, so here is an update, I know they are few and far between but life is just hella crazy at the minute. Hope you enjoy :)**

**Bella:**

"Renee, what am I going to do with those twigs? Rub them together to get a light for my cigar?" My dad asked my mother dryly. He had asked her to bring him his lighter from his nightstand but instead she went outside and brought wood in for the fire. I swear she has lost her marbles or her hearing.

"Charlie, do you have to be so dry all the time? I thought you meant bring in wood for the fire, I do apologise. I'll just carry this load back outside and bring you your lighter. I might even stick a brush up my ass and sweep the floor as I do it." My mother snapped back with attitude.

"Now that I would love to see." My dad flirted with her and I almost threw up in my mouth.

Jasper howled in laughter. "You two crack me up."

Mum rolled her eyes at my brother and left the room.

I hit his arm. "Don't encourage them, they're bonkers the pair of em'." All they ever did was bust each other's balls.

"I don't think you have the right to call anyone bonkers, Bella." He snorts.

"I am not bonkers." I said matter of factly.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Oh, you're not? Well I hate to break it to you, sis, but you gave most of your years to a hitman. That's more than bonkers, that is fucking insane."

"Will you two keep it down, I'm trying to watch star trek and put your coats on because I'm turning the heating off. I'm not made of money." My dad said, never taking his eyes from the television.

"You father, are a tight ass, I bet if you opened your wallet bats would fly out." I tell him and then avert my eyes back to my brother. "And you, all you do is remind me of the bad things in my life, never the good. Like Alice, she is my best friend, I introduced her to you and then you swooped in with your blonde hair and your blue eyes and stole her. You're selfish and your life hasn't been perfect. Remember catching the clap from that skank Maria? I warned you, I told you not to hit that but you went and did it anyway and as a result you ended up with a diseased cock." I got up and walked through into the kitchen.

Jasper followed me. "I didn't mean to upset you, Izzy."

"Don't fucking call me that. And you didn't upset me, I'm just sick of everybody pointing out the bad in me." I poured myself and Jasper a glass of wine.

Yes he drinks wine, I used to live with him... he had no choice.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Since everything came out about Jake you've changed. I mean you've always been a hot head but now you're like a psycho. Smashing your car up? Bella that's just crazy." He preached.

I laughed, remembering what I did to the car. "Brother, that was payback not crazy. Edward had it coming." I shrugged.

He raised a brow at me. "Edward?"

"Oh, so that devilish, pixie looking best friend of mine with hi-def brows doesn't tell you everything about me. That's good to know." I take a sip of my wine and look at Jasper who is smirking but waiting for me to continue. "So Edward... Edward, Edward, Edward. Who or what is Edward? Well, Edward is the ridiculously hot guy that smashed into my car, who then turned out to be my dentist and possibly a professional pickpocket who steals my cigs and replaces them with a little note without me knowing." I grinned at my brother who looked confused.

Ever since Edward called me the other night, I have had to self service myself on numerous occasions. He was openly flirting with me, I know he wants me and in all fairness if I had of been in front of him, instead of on the phone when he was saying the stuff he was saying to me. I would have been naked, flat on my back, legs wide open and in position for him in... nought point three seconds flat.

"Edward sounds about as crazy as you. I wish luck to the guy because it's obvious by that look on your face that you will forever make him suffer for his incompetence." He laughed and walked out.

I don't know what he meant by that but Jasper is right, I don't do things by halves. Time to step up my game. I pull out my phone and compose a text.

_**Hey big foot. Fancy a drink?**_ I bet he thought I'd never ask that.

"Your father irritates the shit out of me." My mum informed me, walking into the kitchen.

I nodded. "Yep. He does my head in too. Hey, mum... thanks for dinner but I'm heading out now to meet some friends." I kissed her cheek. "I love you... keep it crazy." I wink at her and leave.

My phone buzzed... text.

_**Wat kind of drink? I'm suspicious Miss Isabella. **_

Good.

_**Oh u know the one u order from a barman and he makes u it, the**__**n YOU pay? **_I replied.

A minute later. _**Yes I know the one. As long as u r not making it I'm in. God knows wat kind of poison ud slip in it. Where n wat time?**_

I was glad he knew me so well already.

_**Ermm, now in Bojangles. And there is nothing 2 say I cnt still roofie ur ass, now hurry I ain't got all night goldilocks.**_

I set off to walk the ten minute walk from my parents into the center of Pudsey where Bojangles was. It was time for me to take action, try get this man out of my head. It was getting to the point where I couldn't do anything without him being in my thoughts.

It was time for my fuck Edward and the forget Edward plan.

**Hmmmm so there we have it...do you think she will be able to fuck and forget? Somehow I don't think so! Please leave me a review :) till the next time...**


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